Narcissistic

In the silence of this room,
All hopes go unspoken in silent agreement.
This is the beginning of the unknown phases.
In the silence of this room
All words are spoken with nary a sound.
Ideas are eyes searching for contact.
In the silence of this room,
Sound floats like a ghost.
An echo then repeat.
In the silence of this room,
It's louder than ever before, than anywhere else.

So you pull your flesh over your blood shot eyes and try to sleep awhile. And all so you can keep a smile for an hour after waking.

Sorry to disappoint, sorry I didn't point the path your disfigured feet ought to romp.

Can we still shake hands and say we're friends?
Probably no, definitely no.

We annoy each other like those well dressed, two by two cyclists in every American neighborhood.

Pedal pedal, stop, then knock.
Doors never open, but they never stop.

When the world's over
where will you be?
Drinking drunk
a lover between your knees?

When the world's over
where will you go?
Wandering wilderness
a broken compass to tell the way?

When the world's over
what will you do?
quiting quietly
a gun between your teeth?

When the world's over
how will it end?
Furious and firey
or quietly quietly?

You sparked she said
You sparkled said I
You ran she said
You run said I
You were she said
You are said I
You go she said
You're gone said I

For three days now, three twenty-four hours periods, I have been laying about with a sickness in my body. When I say Laying about I don't really mean that cause I've been working too, never a day of rest for the ill. But, there is Zicam, and Robitussin, which when you remove the "ussin," leaves you with "Robit" which after taking enough of the medicine leaves one feeling pretty much like a "Robit!!" Ach! The aches, the sore throat, the runny nose, is this all human things? I thought I was becoming a Robit, Malfunction!!! Must evacuate!! Biohazard contagious.

I've sat where you sit, berating the house guests in empty apartments, all alone.
I've been where you are, living life with a glass in hand, half emptied.
In and then out again.
I've waited for moments to realize themselves for what there are,
But before this could happen they died, and gave birth to a new.
I've rambled words that made no sense, and maybe a few that did.
But all in all to say that I know where you stand, and I've stood there too,
Sometimes I stand there still.
You and me we are
Friendly alcohol abuse
Missing teeth
Empty cigarette packs
Flat tires
The last drop
Lazy bad habits
Lonely old folk.
True to say we're two the same, and the sun will show you soon.

Thursday.
Here's what I did today.
Evacuate the bladder.
Brush the teeth.
Pull on the levis.
Lace up the boots.
Place glasses on face.
Ink on the arm, Tyler was there, he got ink too.
Thoughts and questions.
No real concrete answers.
No heavy boots today ( cara thats a reference for you).
Dan was sick. Bad wings for the boy.
Junk shop browsing.
Lots and lots of photos.
Film developed, I liked a few.
Celebrate today.

You've got the show of hands, a cigarette placed between clever lips. I've got pretense, a loaded gun in hand. Together we're sly, and not just a little too terrible. Angels fear to dare us to combat. Shoe laces and levis, love and tears. Follow these where they might wander, we'll find a better bed of wonder. No show of hands, no cigarette placed between clever lips. No pretense, no loaded gun in hand. Naked

These the thoughts that ramble through this head of mine, they are of the haunting variety, or the terrifyingly familiar, comfortable confusion. Move or just move on, which is the better? Could there be both?

I've got an answer for you dear, and it sounds like this: " I don't know."


The pencil scratches possible words to form possible letters, which are mailed to the garbage pile instantly. Postage paid, return to sender, So goes the story of the last three. The pile of legal pad yellow is growing at my feet, So too are the questions of future considerations, and past obligations. Am I obligated anymore? Is that even worth contemplating? You tell me.


Put on my pants, lace up my boots, and grab a coat, it's time for a midnight stroll and the silence that this suburban waste land affords when the neighbors have laid to rest their eyes and mouths. Here I go...

tr040607

tr040607
Originally uploaded by courtneycanfijn

What we want is a chocolate covered sweet, jelly center Jesus.
Nothing to suffer or work for.
sweet from the first bite to the last.
But the mold won't take the shape that we want,
and if we dare to try we find the shape is our own.

Beautiful clarification, but of the difficult sort. It's like trying to bring resolve to the debate over the attractive or unattractive merits of Mary-Louise Parker. Beautiful clarification comes at the cost of my pride, comes coupled with non ecstatic suffering. Does the cost over weigh the benefits? Probably not, but I'm a human after all, and I can't seem to put on the goggles of reason, and see through the fog of suffering to the sunlit meadow of beautiful clarification, peace of mind. Never the less, I stare this beautiful clarification straight in the eyes, and I ask, "What do you want of me?" Knowing full well what is required. It seems that inane questions are how humans cope with knowing that the truth is really the last thing they really ever wanted.
Beautiful clarification, are you to be mine or shall I love you with my lips but never with my hands? The irony is that if I had beautiful clarification as mine, then I wouldn't have to wonder wonder wonder over what to do with beautiful clarification.
At least I'm not jaundice.




polaroid


st pauls was good


Zooey Deschanel has a lovely voice ( she&him(zooey+mward))


vacuums pick up a multitude of dirts, too bad they couldn't do the same for sin.

It snowed today, it's white, clean.
Everything looks almost right for just this moment.
I tried to capture this moment with photographs in black and white.
The cold seeped through rubber boots and my feet grew cold.
My hands were numb despite the gloves, the cold was sharp.
But it didn't matter, all was quiet and in this moment everything was perfect.
Hey fag! Why don't you come take a picture of us? Come on gay boy.
I'm not gay and those were my unruly neighbors.
The moment was lost, but it didn't matter.
I had captured it in snaps and on film.

Do you believe in Democracy? A government by the people for the people?
I dream of such a thing.
There is no such thing
What with electoral colleges and superdelegates
We've lost our right to choice...




... Well ok, maybe not yet, but soon we will and these superdelegates are the gateway






please Anyone who reads this please click on the superdelegates link. We need to stay informed!! much love

I've no song inside my head. Somebody give me a melody...
...please.


restless night, barely sleeping,
unshaven, dirty hair, barely awake now.
Hastily shower, did I wash my 2000 parts?
Where are my keys? Where are my socks?
Has anyone seen my soul?
nine hours of work
nine hours of servitude
nine hours that could be spent better...

The day at a glimpse

The bodies were seen, some with skin some with none, some with muscles some with none, all were dead. In the exhibit, I was hungry, I thought of chicken, and then I wanted to eat chicken. I was told there must be something wrong with me when the sight of a cross sectioned real human body ( dead of course) makes me think of eating.

Ten minutes time turned the bedroom from a pigstye to a cozy den. It's the den of a cowardly lion, lurking and waiting for courage to come walking through the door and offer itself.


Lack of hearing lead to hurting of feelings. It's a talent of mine, do you have any such regrettable talents? I have many, I think that I am stronger than some, but weaker than most.



The nature of my increasingly hectic life, leaves me wishing to live in a cabin surrounded by woods. Silence, the music of rain and wind. I could scream if I wanted to. I could whisper too.


Cloverfield was a waste of 1hr and 20 min.



Eagle vs. Shark was silly



Renaissance was a rather great film, sorta like the church....

I set my alarm for 6am

Do justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God

And then a liar came
with sincere eyes
steady hands
and wagging tongue.
Truth to say
any whichever way
that which are those things
you'd like most to hear



paint your face white



drink some wine




pour some coffee past the cup and onto the floor


eat some seeds




enjoy water and air

I killed you last night,
dream state
wishing reality
your life unfurled on the floor
and I smiled
scarlet pens etching blood lines
and I watched
and I twirled
and I woke up