My dreams have been very specific. Pastors with crab legs instead of human ones, freaking out when babies cry, and trying to eat the squealing little ones. Girls in love with boys who have mooseheads, but only cause they feel they must me. Hiding in back rooms from the demonic baseball bat eating ushers. Finding safety with Folk I barely know in the waking life, but seem to know very well in the dream life. I just woke up from that. It could be the fact that my estranged imagination is venturing back into my skull, or it could be the fever that is still coursing through my tissues.

Listen to the National!!!

Take mucinex!!

Love Advil!!


Read a Book!!!



Say wizard at least three times aday !!!

My day in a nutshell




Cleaning rooms,
sleeping during days
Catching fevers
texting plans
breaking down in the nervous way
Telling painful brutal truths
Crying with no tears
swimming in confusion
bashing heads on pillows
flipping through the calendars
Canceling plans
hanging hats and glasses
wishing for a brighter day
Calling out to the FATHER
Eating rice
Watching Juno
Reading Iraq Journals 2003
Screaming out to the FATHER

I realize that I might have spoken out of pure frustration when last we spoke, the frustration made my words unclear, and for that I apologize.
When I say stop protesting, I don't mean stop caring, I mean stop carrying around posters and marching and going to rallies, Approx seven years of protesting and the war ain't over kids! The politicians in office aren't listening, and the ones on the campaign trail are only telling you what you want to hear. (Santa's real, right Mr. Obama? )
Don't stop caring! If anything I would encourage you to spread the peace and hope of our Father with everyone. Write a letter to a soldier over seas, we all know at least one, let him or her know that you are praying for his or her safety, let that fellow human being know that you care. Take a trip, go over seas yourself, spend some time simply loving the victims of this terrible event in history, or help fund some one else on a similar form of trip. Find a way to personally support and help the victims of this terrible event in history and them encourage those that you know to do the same thing. Most importantly, Pray! Pray!Pray! After all He is the Prince of Peace.


I do apologize for alienating more than one of you with the last bit of thought vomit that I left on this blog, but please kids, lets not waste our time with t-shirts and rallies, but let's look for real and tangible ways to make a difference, to bring peace and hope to this ball we live on.

It's futile!! Stop protesting. Sorry to say, but the war isn't gonna end just because a bunch of objectors march around in a circle or sit around holding hands with megaphones. Sure it's a bad thing, but it's not going to end because we want it to. Please find a better way to spend your time. I know it's sad, the war is unjust and Ive got friends over there just as I'm sure some of you do, but what can we expect to do? Do you honestly think the politicians and businessmen who are running this war will listen to those of us who want it to end? nope! Sure let people know where you stand, that's great, but you won't be able to stop the wheel, so stop trying!!!!!!

Good day good day. Two false wakings, then up in time for lunch. Church with Cooney, as well as coffee, ocean state joblot, and stud art ( beedazzling for badasses).
Remorse is my word for tonight, not for anything for today, but for the things that I've had to say farewell to in the past year, for the fact that this is not the first time that I've said farewell to this thing, this person, this human. Perhaps not remorse, perhaps sorrow. Sorrow for actions that repeat themselves. Sorrow for good intentions and weak movements. Sorrow for being confused about the same thing over and over again, even though the answer is clear as day! Sleep is good. So are freshly cleaned sweat pants, and a new white v-neck t-shirt, All for sleeping of course, sweatpants never leave the house!!! Never never! Put on the levis and go to work, thats in the morning!

This is my fifth blog!



I can't remember usernames or passwords for the others.



My, I'm forgetful!
Am I getting old yet?
23 days and I'll be older yet!

48 hours.... .... tic.... ..... toc....

Give me a damn smoke already!!! There are no visual benefits to report, 48 hours is not enough time to know. I'm Not There, was moving! Kate Blanchet for president! Holy lady man, music playing, Bob Dylan look alike!
Take a shower, Dim the lights, put on fresh jam jams, grab a book, hit the shuffle on the itunes, read a page or too, and then its:
zzzzzzzzzzzzz.......................................................................

And now responsibility has caught up with me. Good bye bloody marys and gourmet breakfast. Time well spent, but now work is on the menu. Time pour some coffees and crank out some stories, strum a banjo and hum some tunes. Dorothy said it was good to have me back home, and it was good to see her. Tyler was being macho and didn't say much. Father figure has started painting again, I'm excited about what might come of his endeavors, stick with it! Laundry have been done, Dorothy thought laughed at my levi obsession, Dan is worse, Parker doesn't even count.
Too cold for the roof, and too creaky for the porch, I guess I'll nestle down and close my peepers.

Failure! Lack of patience! therefore Juilians was a wash, blue elephant was the mediocre stand in. Sweet senorita! We've got hail, and it hurts the head and hands when it hits. Parker might have died in his sleep, minus the dying part of course. He looks like death, beefeater beefeater you terrible girl you, delicious and cruel! We leave tomorrow, but Dan stays, Parker and I go back to the places from whence we came, and another six months will pass before we three are carousing about town together! I'll be back soon though, it's time to ink up again, before I turn 25!
Ok the levis are on and so are my brown boots, time to see if the hail still hurts, and if I still have trouble walking! Let's go!








This blog is self indulgent!!!! What does that say about me?

2008, we're here, the future is finally here, and I'm already looking for something new. black and white ball found the three of us dancing, ginning and pinning for only God knows what or who. Many unnecessary texts and phone calls were made, I don't even think my phone works anymore. Parker and I walked the half an hour back to angel street manor, Dan stayed on the floor of the ball. Talks of God and girls, and then surrender. Guidance is key but not really what any of us want, seeing as how we're, all three of us, stubborn male men. Humility is growing, but only threw the pain of loss, and we're adjusting as He shows us the way. Sleep will be welcome, and brunch is tomorrow, back to juilians, the mecca of hipsters, and delicious bloody marys! Who's got my levis on for tomorrow?

Newyears eve, breakfast of champions, the unintentional authors gather at julians, Coffee, eggsbenedict with salmon, and bloody marys were the menu choice. Our waiter had a mustache, and wore my levis, maybe even better than me. Tonight we go in our white, and black, and black and white, too tight to pull up, but white jeans are novelty! New year new year!!!

And then the women ran away with my hearts. All divied up into pieces shaped like me, in gingerbread form. "Too late" says the one, "I'm keeping it, your heart that is." She stole it. I never saw it again. She owns it forever and can call me anytime she wants to use it. Golden View with eggs over easy followed by a BJ in my truck. Is that why I invested my heart in her? I didn't think so, but that's the way it worked out. I love you Lord, and need Your grace in my life. Help to heal the emptiness in me.

P M

not by courtney................. by a friend

So here it is, the eve of new years eve, and here we are we three , in a smoky providence apartment drinking gin, smoking cigarettes, and writing drunken poems. Dan says he's genius, Parker hardly speaks, and I don't know what I'd say if any thing at all. Welcome to the new year, we're done with the sopranos in 2007, don't stop, don't stop, those were the words that ended the obsession. Whats next, what new adventures, and shit storms await we three sitting here with our gin, cigarettes, and drunken penciled poems.

I think it's time to quit. Not out of any morbid obligation to new years resolutions. I never make them, therefore I never keep them.

I cough with a sound like that of a lion

I wheez worse than an asthmatic playing football

I smell like your grandmothers over flowing ash tray

I'm not saying now, but probably before the celebration of the day that I was squeezed from betwixt my mothers loins!

A TRUE LIFE CONVERSATION

" So where do we go from here?"
"I'm not sure."
" What do you mean you're not sure? That's only half of an answer."
" What I mean is, I don't know where here is, and since I don't know where here is, and if I'm here but don't know where this here is, then how am I to know where to go if I don't know where I am. If here is an unknown point, how can I be expected to know where to go from a point unknown.?"
" So what are you saying? Are you trying to tell me that we should just stay put and never leave this spot?"
" No That is not what I am saying."
" But you just said that you cannot be expected to know where to go from here."
" Yes, that is true, but that doesn't mean we should go somewhere from here. Perhaps if we pick a direction at random, and just go we will be able to look back in a little while and see where exactly here is. But, then again our present here will become a past there, and the future there will have become the present here. Since we are here and don't know where here is, how will we know where we are when we get there? When we finally get there will we look back and see that the present here is in fact no where? And what if we go in one big circle and think that we have gone to a new here, and from that here, which now is a there, we will look back and see our own backs standing here, which we thought was there, but really was here all along?"
" OH my God! what are you talking about? Who cares, do you wanna just throw caution to the wind and just go from here?"
" No, I think I'll stay here and wait awhile."
" Alright then, I guess I'll go alone. So do have any idea where I should go from here?"
" I'm not sure."

Today's walk was nothing short of inspiration. The surrounding scenery of sadness, and volumes of desperation instilled some form of hope in my sometimes hopeless heart. Why leave? Why go back to my personal paradise, when there is a paradise to be made right here, not only for this individual with his fingers on the keyboard, but for all who cross paths with the individual who's fingers are on the keyboard, and even for those who don't? Why can't we change this place? There's no reason why we can't...

How would tell a newborn baby about the world that it had been born into? Would you say something like, welcome to a world where truth is scarce, and deception is the norm. Welcome to a world where nothing is sacred, and all things, faith or otherwise, are flushed down the toilet of higher education. Welcome to a world populated by "haves" and "have nots". Sorry little one, you'll most likely be a have not. Welcome to a world where women flaunt and use their beauty for less than stellar gains. Welcome to a world where men are, well, they just aren't men anymore. Welcome to a world where meaning is defined through meaningless possessions and goods. Welcome to a world that you have a responsibility to change, one person at a time. Now then little one, aren't you glad you decided to pop out of the womb today?

B7 Presents



A Rejoice-ed Christmas



Coming soon...

I was waiting for this time of day. This time of day when the beginning stages of the sunset turn my bone white linen curtains to a glowing pearl shade of color. It's warm, it's comforting, it's love. I was waiting for this time of day, and now it has come. I am warm, feel comforted, and I feel loved. Thank you sun (Son).



It's all about the little things.

At what point did I disappear? When did I lose myself in the layers of selfprotections and self interest. At what point did I disappear? I've been lighting matches against the wind, pointless actions that can't really produce anything of consequence, save flare and burn out, I'm losing things, I'm losing people. At what point did I disappear?